Who are you right now?

puppyHi Ari,

I asked you a couple nights ago what kind of person you thought you’d be when you turn 18 or 19. You were silent. Then you said…

“I’ll say bubbly butt a lot.”

Then I said, “No seriously. Tell me what you think you’ll be like and then I’ll remind you when you’re 18 what you said.” Then you got slightly annoyed and told me you had no idea. You made it clear you thought it was dumb question, which I suppose it is.

What I know about you now is that you like being a kid and you’re in no rush to grow up. At all. You stand out from a lot of your peers in that respect. (Gamma tells me I was the same way.) And to me, it makes sense that when I asked you that question, you had nothing.

Based on what I know about you now, here are some guesses that I have about you:

  • You still feel like you love animals more than you love some people–but not all people
  • You have more male friends than female friends
  • You’re an active person
  • You are no longer afraid of heights
  • You still have a temper
  • You have a unique and admired sense of style
  • You are an interesting mix of confident and shy
  • You still love to travel
  • You are not as resistant to change and trying new things as you used to be because you’re an inherently adventurous person
  • You like getting out of the house more often than you did when you were a kid
  • You are funny and charming
  • You have, by now, dealt with your sensitivity in some way so that you no longer wear it on your sleeve. Somehow, your personality has changed in ways to accommodate your sensitivity, so that you rarely blow up at people or cry when your feelings are hurt. Maybe your sense of humor masks your sensitivity, (like mine.) Whatever it is, you’ve decided you will not let it show in front of most people, so something has become your armor.
  • You love horror movies, and scary, macabre things.
  • You are still mostly unpredictable and you’re definitely OK with that.
  • You still like to be in charge, especially at home.
  • You continue to cultivate a strong, moral center.
  • Generally speaking, whatever it is, you know what you want.
  • When you don’t get what you want, it still eats you up.

But those are just guesses. They’re me having fun and aren’t really connected to any expectations.

These are the things I most wonder about you when I think of you reading this:

  • Are you happy?
  • Are you scared or lonely?
  • Do you have an adaptable sense of security that follows you wherever you go, or do you feel sometimes like stressful changes are unbearable?
  • If you’re unhappy, scared, or insecure, do you want to talk to mom and me about it or are we the last ones you want to talk to? Do you talk about your feelings?

For the record, when I was your age, I would have answered “no,” “yes,” “no,” and “I only talk to friends about it.”

All I really care about is that some day–at any point in your life–you find peace with who you are. And if I’ve ever given you the impression that I expect or want or need anything more from you, I either gave you the wrong idea or at some point I lost my way.

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